


You´re so open - I´m so scared

by Laretta



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:53:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28734495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laretta/pseuds/Laretta
Summary: Just do it. An inner voice told him. But Louis couldn´t. It all depended on him. It all depended on his behaviour. It all depended on him and Louis was so tired of it. But he had to keep it going. He had to take care of his future. He couldn´t ruin the future for his teammates and he could not let his mum down, after everything she had done for him. So he had to forget about Harry…Or:A fanfic, where Louis is closeted and loves playing football, but he also kind of has a thing for Harry, who is openly gay. But Louis has a girlfriend...Well - kind of. Will he give him and Harry a chance? Will he put it all on risk? What is holding him back?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Kudos: 5





	You´re so open - I´m so scared

**Author's Note:**

> So first of all - english is not my first language, so I apologize for possible grammar and spelling mistakes.  
> If someone is willing to help me out while I continue writing this fanfic I would be really really grateful :)
> 
> I´m always open for new ideas and constructive criticism :-) I will post the first chapter if you like the prologue :-)

## Prologue

They´d never met before. Well, that´s not entierly true. Louis had definetely seen Harry before. Oh yes he has. To be honest – he hoped to see Harry everytime at football practice and at the games. When he let´s himself think about it – and he sure as hell does think about it – he will never forget the first time he saw Harry. Never will he ever forget the first time he saw this ridiculous smile, who gave the curly boy the lovely frog face - Louis fell for his frog face so there will no be joking about it, understood? Never will he ever forget the curls, that were way shorter than now and he will never forget how he was endeared when the boy with the long limb legs nearly dripped and fell on the grass.

Normally Louis would have laughed and pointed out the incident for everyone to see and to laugh about it. But there was something stopping him from doing that. As if a rope was holding his hands down, he wasn´t able to raise his arm and point at him. Instead he hoped, that nobody saw. 

He caught himself wanting Saturday to end and to be finally able to see Harry at school. Shit! He wasn´t that kind of student. He was the kind of student, who slept too long, barely did his homework, turned up to class to late and counted the days until the weekend finally arrived.

He was definetely not the type to pray for the weekend to end, but there he was. Louis – the star of the football team – he, the sassy little shit he was, and who fell for a curly haired boy he never even had exchanged a word with.

How low has he sunk? He had fallen for a guy who wore flower crowns, black skinny jeans and band shirts. He had fallen for a guy who prefered spending the football-practice and the matches with the chearleeders instead of standing in the crowd with the other lads, cheering his team on.

Well – he was cheering Louis on – at least, that´s what Louis liked to think. But he sure winked at him one time. Louis is sure about that. Or maybe he was trying to protect his eye from the fly, that was flying around him. But no, Louis is sure, that Harry had looked and winked at him.

As hard as Louis tried to not think about Harry – he didn´t succeed. Louis always got what he wanted. He made sure of that, but this thing he couldn´t control. He could not control his feelings. Damn. What was he even talking about? What feelings? He didn´t even know the boy. It was just aesthetics he told himself. Harry surely had a shitty personality Louis told himself to make himself a little less attracted to the boy. He didn´t succeed.

Eventually he found out, that Harry had a job outside of school, to help his mum out and that he tutored other students for free – just to be an asshole an ruin Louis´ plan of picturing Harry as the asshole, who he could not fall for.

So there he was – lying in his bed and wanking on the thought of Harry.

_Harry Harry Harry._

He couldn´t wait for the weekend to end and to finally see Harry again. Oh god he was pathetic.

He saw Harry four times a week. Three times during the week, when he had training with the lads and one time during the matches – usually on Saturday.

Louis knew Harry would be there and it scared him. It scared him, that his heart did this little funny thing, everytime he saw Harry. It scared him how he got no rest until he saw the long bouncy curls on the side of the football patch, dancing in the rythm of his jumping, while chearing for the team.

Well - he saw him during english lesson, too. But that didn´t count. Harry and him had completely different friend groups. Louis was sat with the lads from the football-team meanwhile Harry was surrounded by people from the art glass. Weird people they where – Louis could not bring himself to sit down with them. Why would he? Calling a completely black piece of paper with a yellow dot a “masterpiece” went behind his comprehension for art. If this was called art, he could easily snort on a piece of paper, frame it and call it a 10000 dollar worthy masterpiece. Maybe he should give it a try… At least he would be able to be free. Aren´t artists always gay? He didn´t know for sure, but he had always pictured art gallerys filled with gay french artists. Don´t ask why!

When it came to art Louis only made one exception. But just because it was Zayn. In fact Zayn was Louis´ best friend. It has always been Zayn. Zayn, who liked art and also was openly gay like Harry. So there was Louis proof. Okay, Zayn was not french, but well – that´s just a thing he will ignore. Yes, Harry was gay. Louis knew this for a fact. So the problem was, that Louis maybe didn´t come out yet, or better: he didn´t know if he would ever be able to come out.

He had to find a way to get Harry out of his mind. Well, after he´d finished himself off on the thought of Harry. Nobody ever has to know, right? It will be his little secret.

Fuck – why does he have to be so damn beautiful?

Every single time he had football training, he watched him standing with the cheerleaders. And if anyone caught him staring, he would just flip them off and tell them to shut the fuck up. He had every right to watch the cheerleaders, as his younger sister Lottie was one of them. Lucky him, right?

It was thanks to Lottie, that Louis knew Harrys name before they both went to English classes toghether. Harry was new in town. He arrived 9 months ago and since then Louis was completely gone for him.

_„Why do you want to know his name?“ she´d asked._

_Well, fuck. That wasn´t planned to turn go this way. Why couldn´t she just - just for one time - give a normal answer to a normal question?!_

_„I just want to know.“ He´d insisted._

_„And why?“ Lottie´d asked again and if she wasn´t her sister he would have probably flipped her off. Maybe he did, but well – she deserved it._

_„Because… because. I just want to know. You don´t have to know everything, Sherlock!“ he said, tone bitter._

_„Well, and I don´t have to answer.“ She replied quite satisfied with herself. That little shit. Louis had taught her well. She used his methods against him. Who even does that? He was her older brother for fucks sake._

_„Good, I´m going to find out by myself!“ Louis had been really annoyed with Lottie and was ready to leave the kitchen._

_„Allright, it´s Harry.” She´d finally given in._

_„Wait!“ she continued as Louis turned around to leave her standing there._

_“Are you telling me, that you have a thing for him?” she asked quite amused._

_„Would you shut up? Why would I? I´m in a relationship with Eleanor and you know that!” he hissed._

_„Yeah, right.“ Lottie rolled her big eyes._

_„I just wanted to know, who Zayn was hanging out with. Since he is my best friend and I´m just looking out for him.“ He tried his best to convince his sister._

_„Sure, Louis. Whatever.“ She replied, not buying it._

_„I don´t have a thing for Harry. I´m not g…”_

Shit

He missed the goal. Shit Shit Shit. This was all Harrys fault. Harry and the way he sneaked into Louis thaughts. How was that even possible? Football was Louis´ live. Nothing and nobody was more important than football – well, apart from his mum, but his mum sure did not have bouncy curls, long stupid legs, a frog face and did surely not make Louis trip over his own feet, because he was to distracted by her looks.

He had to convince himself in some way, that Harry had a bad side. At least this way he wouldn´t be so attracted to him.

Oh fuck – who was he even kidding? He would totally fall for Harry even if he got to find out that he´d murdered someone. Louis was so whipped he would even try to find reasons to justify this boy and help him hide the body if Harry asked him to. Fuck, fuck, fuck! He hasn´t even spoken to him and Harry already reigned over Louis´ thaughts. But Lottie did know Harry. And Lottie was his sister. So, in some way he had a connection to this curly haired boy with the damn green esmarald eyes. Fuck, he had to stop this.

„You have to concentrate!“ coach Miller interrupted his thaughts.

_Fuck – he truly is beautiful!_

„Got that Tomlinson?“ the coach asked and looked Louis directly in his eyes. If he stared just for a bit lomger, he would probably be able to see the heart eyes Louis was beginning to show.

_Why does he have to be this perfect?_

“Tomlinson!” the coach now shouted and got Louis out of his daydreaming.

“Yeah, yeah, got it.” He said, nodding, convincing the coach. Who was he trying to concvince though? His coach or himself? He really didn´t know.

The rest of the football practice went quite well. Harry remained on the side oft he football patch the whole time watching the lads kicking the ball and Louis tried really hard not to look at Harry. He failed – quite miserably, but well – shit happens, right?

„Louis!“ he heard his sister´s voice behind him, before he could go to he showers.

He turned to see her laughing widely at him. Louis knew her too well. He knew that something was up, when she looked at him with her big blue eyes and her big smile.

„What do you want, Lots?“ he asked just a little to harsh.

“Oh nothing. Just wanted to let you know, that we will have a visitor tonight.“ She announced, pleased with herself.

„What do you mean? I don´t care about your sleepovers you´re having with your friends.“ He shrugged and turned to finally get into the shower. He was covered in dirt an sweat.

„Allright.“ Lottie said, smile still big on her face.

„Just don´t say, I didn´t warn you.“

What the hell was Lottie on about? Louis kind of wanted to find out. On the other hand he was beginning to feel a bit cold as the wind started to rise and as he didn´t want to catch a cold, he decided on taking a shower and going home instead.

„I wanted to tell you!” Lottie tried to defend herself.

“Yeah, sure.”

“I did. You just didn´t let me finish!“

„Excuse me? You could´ve just told me, instead of making me beg you to tell me!“

„Oh come on. Stop being such a princess. It´s not as if he´s going to kill you. Harry´s really nice, you know?“

How would I know? Louis wanted to snap at his sister, but he held himself back. He had to keep his loud voice down a bit, othervice Harry would surley notice him.

Maybe it wasn´t Harry, who would be killing him, but the situation he would find himself in in just a few moments would take care of that – the killing part.

Eleanor was supposed to come over and spend the evening with Louis. And Harry was sitting in his living room. Shit. He had to do something.

„Since when are you best friends with Harry?“ he hissed and glared at the boy, who was sitting on the couch, looking around. It should be illegal to be this beautiful while not doing anything. Shit.

„I am not.“ Lottie replied.

„I just wanted to see your reaction.“

„What am I? An experiment for school, or something?“ Louis was angry. He couldn´t believe, his sister did this to him. To be quite fair, she didn´t know, that he was gay. Well, no he wasn´t. Or maybe yes. Maybe he was, but he surely was not allowed to be, so he wasn´t. Right?

But Lottie did not know this, did she?

He took out his telephone to quickly digit a number. After a few rings the person on the other line accepted the call. Thank god!

„Zayn. You have to help me!“ he whispered.

„Call Harry and make him leave my house as soon as possible, without telling him to leave.“

„What?“ Zany sounded confused. In fact it didn´t have much sense what Louis was saying.

„Just call him and tell him you need him?“ it turned out as a question.

„Why?“

„Please Zayn, just do it. I´ll explain to you later.” Louis begged.

After a quick pause Zayn finally gave in.

„Fine.“ he said.

“You owe me.” And with that he ended the call. Ten seconds later he heard Harrys phone ringing and as he answered with his dark, yet calm and soothing voice, a shiver ran down Louis back – even his voice was perfect. Fuck Harry – fuck fuck fuck.

He should have known, that Zayn wasn´t going to let go. Who was he even kidding. Just after Eleanor had left a few minutes ago, he felt his phone vibrating in the pocket of his joggers.

Of course it was a text from Zayn. Harry did not have his number. And even if he did – why would he text him? They have yet to exchange a word. They haven´t even introduced eachother. Harry probaby didn´t even know Louis´ name. Or maybe he did. But even if he did, he had no fucking reason to text him. So why would he?

He let out a long breath and then opened the text.

_Z: Care to explain?_

_L: What?_

_Z: Louis, stop being a dick and tell me!!!_

_L: It´s complicated…_

_Z: Isn´t that the thing, what people usually put on their status on Facebook?_

_L: Not funny, Z!_

_Z: Didn´t try to be funny._

_L: Yeah, in fact, you are never actually quite funny._

_Z: Stop changing the subject!_

_L: …_

_Z: I´m calling and you better respond, otherwise I will show up._

_L: I´m shaking!_

Louis´ irony was showing even through text. But as his phone rang an Zanys´ name appeared on the screen, he chose to accept the call.

„What is it?“ he asked, voice innocent.

„You are still sticking to being a total dick, I see.“ Zany replied and Louis could literally picture him, shaking his raven haired head.

„What do you want to know?“ Louis asked, defeated.

„Everything!“  
  
„There really is not that much to talk about!“ Louis insisted. How could he tell his best friend, that he was gay? How could he tell his best friend, that he was closeted and probably never ever going to leave the closet? How could he tell his best friend the sick plan his coach had worked out? How could he explain, that Harry was going to put it all on risk, by only existing and breathing near Louis?

Just do it. An inner voice told him. But Louis couldn´t. It all depended on him. It all depended on his behaviour. It all depended on him and Louis was so tired of it. But he had to keep it going. He had to take care of his future. He couldn´t ruin the future for his teammates and he could not let his mum down, after everything she had done for him. So he had to forget about Harry…

„Louis?“ Zayns voice appeared on the phone – he was almost shouting.

„Sorry Z., gotta go.“ Louis cut him off and didn´t even wait for Zayn to reply. Zayn was his best friend. He would understand.


End file.
